A child custody
battle can be a long and arduous process. It’s a stressful experience,
especially since you really don’t know what to expect. However, you can do your
best to prepare and increase your chances to achieve a favorable verdict. Here
are some tips.
Do: Research
More often than not, a child custody battle is a direct result of a
divorce or legal separation. Whatever your reasons –extramarital affairs and lack of intimacy, physical and emotional abuse, irreconcilable
differences – it’s prudent to gather two kinds of evidence: those that will
support your case and those that can work against your spouse. Keep in mind
that the latter may not always come into play during the proceedings, but the
former will most definitely be valuable assets when your chance to prove that
you are the better parent comes up.
Meanwhile, you
should also understand the basics of child custody laws in your state. Knowing
the different types child custody is also crucial, so you know what kind of
arrangement you can (or have to) ask or argue for. It all boils down to
physical or legal custody. Physical custody is when the children live with you
most of the time or all of the time, while legal custody is when you have the
right to make legal decisions on matters that impact your children. Based on
the evidence provided by both parties, the court may decide whether to grant
sole custody or joint physical or legal custody.
Do:
Know Your Role
In a court of law, it’s not enough that you are the child’s “mom” or
“dad” (or “relative”) to get you custody. Titles are important and may
sometimes have an impact over the final decision, but your role is much more
significant. You need to be able to prove that you are the best person to have
custody of the child. Consider everything that you do for the child, including
the seemingly insignificant but meaningful details and experiences that you
have shared together.
Do:
Keep in Touch
This is not just
about keeping yourself updated with your children’s lives, such as their school
performance and extra-curricular activities. It also means keeping the
communication lines open between you and the other parent or other parties
fighting for custody. This gesture demonstrates to the judge that you are
willing to have a harmonious relationship with them, especially if they have
also been a significant presence in your children’s lives.
Don’t: Invent Stories
Not only is this
tantamount to perjuring yourself, it’s also not a good example to set for your
child. Any lie you present in court may also be used as evidence of your
unsuitability to properly care for your child.
Unfounded
allegations, negative stories, and exaggerated accounts of your ex’s
shortcomings are also a no-no should your children (especially the younger
ones) ask about these matters. As they say, honesty is the best policy. If
there are things that you can’t (or don’t want to) talk about with your
children, simply say that it’s a matter that you can’t discuss.
Don’t: Involve Your
Children
You should
definitely inform your children about what’s going on and why, so they
understand what’s happening, especially when the court’s decision comes. However,
you don’t have to share every single detail of the court proceedings. Keep
things simple; if you use complicated legalese, you would most likely confuse
them even more and burden them with adult issues. Let the kids be kids, but make sure that they understand the implication of what
is going on.
Remember that the
judge’s main concern is the children’s well-being. Therefore, preparing for a
child custody battle means preparing to prove yourself to be the best parent in
all aspects.
